


PokemOne

by RapidashPatronus



Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon (Anime), Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: Crack Crossover, Gen, Honestly this is the worst thing I've ever done, Not just written but DONE, in my life, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-26
Updated: 2017-05-26
Packaged: 2018-11-05 06:59:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11008320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RapidashPatronus/pseuds/RapidashPatronus
Summary: I will be the very best like no-one ever was. To smash the Empire's my real test, and trusting in the Force...





	PokemOne

**Author's Note:**

> This is in honour of that time that Jyn Erso CANONICALLY MET AN ACTUAL BULBASAUR in Rebel Rising and I blame Emblegiraffe on Tumblr for this.

**NARRATOR:** It’s been a long day, and Cash, Jynty, Brook and P-K2 are flying away from Jaundice City with their new friends Officer Chirrut and Nurse Baze.

 **CASH:** Ahhhhh maaaaan, I sure could go for some food right now.

 **JYNTY:** Cash, you’re always hungry! Why don’t you think about something other than your stomach for a change?

 **P-K2:** Kaytoo!

 **CHIRRUT:** That’s a remarkable droid you have there, young one.

 **CASH:** Thanks! He used to belong to Team Krennic, but I retrained him.

 **P-K2:** Kay, kaytoo!

 **BROOK:** That’s really rude, P-K2.

 **CASH:** _(rubbing the back of his neck in embarrassment)_ Uh, he just says whatever comes into his head. I guess I haven’t trained him too well yet.

 **JYNTY:** What a surprise.

 **BROOK:** Uh, so where are we going?

 **CASH:** I wanna go to Eadu! There’s a great Flying Type gym there and I have to battle to win my Sniper Badge!

 **JYNTY:** Wait, you’re gonna go up against my DAD?

 **BAZE:** Oh my goodness! Gale Gusto is your father?

 **JYNTY:** Yeah! I mean, no. I mean –

 **BROOK:** She doesn’t like to talk about it.

 **JYNTY:** He left me when I was just a kid. My mom studied Ground Types but Team Krennic had other ideas for my Dad.

 **CHIRRUT AND BAZE:** _(clutching each other melodramatically)_ How totally tragic!

 **P-K2:** Kay!

 **BROOK:** You’re in luck, Cash, I just remembered I have some donuts! _(he pulls out some onigiri from his bag)_

 **CASH:** _(eyeing the Definitely Onigiri)_ Oh boy, donuts!

 **JYNTY:** Lucky is one word. Jammy, I’d call it.

 **CHIRRUT:** _(quietly)_ That pun was contrived and we should fire the translator.

 **P-K2:** Kaytoo…

 **NARRATOR:** But when they arrive at Eadu…

_(They arrive at Eadu, but as they land, Team Krennic thugs surround them)_

**THUG 1:** Well what do we have here?

 **THUG 2:** Looks like a bunch of Rebel scum kids!

 **THUG 1:** Come to battle with Gale Gusto huh?

 **CASH:** YEAH! YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT?

 **JYNTY:** I don’t like the look of this.

 **P-K2:** Kay, kaytoo...

 **BROOK:** Is there a problem, gentlemen?

 **BAZE:** Leave this to us.

 **CHIRRUT:** We challenge you to a battle!

 **THUG 1:** A battle, hey, Officer? And the pretty little Nurse? HAHAHAHA! Fine – you asked for it! Go… TIE-drill!

 **THUG 2:** Get ‘em, Blastersoise!

 **CHIRRUT:** Interesting choices, but you forget the power of the mystifyingly senseless! Go, TOGEPI!

 **THUGS:** HUH?!!!

_(Baze wordlessly releases an Onix which smashes the opposing Pokemon with a single swipe of its tail)_

**CHIRRUT:** _(proudly, to Cash)_ You see what the mystifyingly senseless can achieve?

 **BAZE:** Sure.

_(A shadow falls across them and they turn. Before them stands a towering figure in dark grey Team Krennic uniform, a Spearow glowering from his shoulder)_

**MAN:** So, you’ve come to take on the gym at Eadu, have you? See if you can win the Secret?

 **BROOK:** Uh, we don’t know about any secret sir, but –

 **CASH:** MY NAME’S CASH AND I’M GONNA BE A REBEL MASTER! LET’S BATTLE **NOW**!

 **MAN:** Muahaha, you’re not ready for – wait – can it be?

 **JYNTY:** Papa…

 **GALE:** ( _for it is he)_ Jynty..? My Starmie…?

 **BROOK:** Wait, this guy’s your Dad?

 **CASH:** So that must mean you’re –

 **ALL:** GALE GUSTO!

_(Gale blinks, then roars with laughter)_

**GALE:** Why, yes I am! Come with me!

_(Inside Gale’s gym, surrounded by Golnocks and other flying-types, they eat a gigantic feast of very sushi-looking food)_

**CASH:** Gee, these burgers are amazing!

 **P-K2:** _(licking at the top of a bottle of droid oil happily)_ Kaytoo!!

 **GALE:** My Starmie, I’ve waited many years for your arrival. This gym guards a secret, and only those who best me may know the secret. None have yet done so.

 **BROOK:** But how can you be unbeaten if there are Rebels fighting at the Yavin League?

 **GALE:** That’s a continuity question above my paygrade. Jyn, my Starmie, I’m a prisoner here under Team Krennic’s control but I can tell you now that they are planning a giant Pokéball that will unite and harness the mighty powers of the legendary flying types to create a weapon strong enough to dominate the galaxy!

 **ALL:** Dominate the galaxy?!

 **P-K2:** KAYTOO!!

 **GALE:** Yes. But they made a mistake. Knowing my interest in Flying types, they asked for my help in designing it. I agreed, but they have no idea: I built a flaw into the system – a quick-release on the Pokéball that will free the Legendary Birds. You must locate the plans to the Pokéball on Scarif and have your Rebel friends free the birds!

 **BAZE:** Those poor birds! They must need a Pokemon Centre so badly!

 **CHIRRUT:** This is an outrage to the law!

 **GALE:** Will you help me, my Starmie?

_(There’s a moving montage of some happy father-daughter times. Young Jynty is impossibly cute and you can only see the bottom half of Gale’s face for some reason. Everything is milky around the edges and there’s emotional pop music. Cut back to a closeup of Jynty’s wobbling eyes)_

**JYNTY:** I’ll do it, Papa, and then I’ll come back for you and free you from Team Krennic.

_(Cut to their ship flying away into the sky. Gale waves from the surface of the planet, his Spearow nibbling mournfully at his ear)_

**GALE:** Oh, Lyra-bird, I hope they make it before it’s too late.

_(The ship lands on Scarif and Cash and Brook walk down the gangplank in Hawaiian shirts and shades)_

**CASH:** Boy, what a day!

 **BROOK:** This looks like the kind of place that has girls in bikinis on the beach!

_(Baze and Chirrut walk down the gangplank in bikinis and Brook passes out)_

**JYNTY:** Will you guys quit it? We have a job to do, remember? _(kicking Brook until he wakes)_ Brook, you have to wait here with the ship and send word to the other Rebels once we’ve found the plans.

 **CASH:** You’re scary when you’re motivated. _(but he’s a bit turned on)_

 **JYNTY:** Yeah? I still haven’t forgotten you owe me a new speeder!

 **CASH:** _(genuinely alarmed)_ Ahhh!

 **P-K2:** Kaytoo, kay _too_. _(And whatever it said, it’s probably deadpan funny)_

 **CHIRRUT:** Baze and I will wait here and do battle with any guards to draw their attention away. Luckily, we found these… _(he holds up two Team Krennic uniforms)_

_(A little later… Cash looks incredible in his uniform and Jynty is furious that hers is trailing all over the floor)_

**JYNTY:** Cash, this is ridiculous, I can’t walk. Why can’t YOU wear this one?

 **CASH:** Haha, too bad, Jynty, guess I’ve just got natural style! _(he trips over P-K2 and lands, improbably, on his head)_

 **P-K2:** _(dryly)_ Kaytoo.

_(Suddenly, a familiar fanfare begins and a devious feminine cackle resounds across the beach)_

**SEDUCTIVE VOICE:** Prepare for trouble!

 **LOOPY CAMP VOICE:** And make it double!

 _(The squad wheels around and is faced with the sight of Orson Krennic and his emaciated yet more intelligent feline sidekick, Tarkin)_.

 **KRENNIC:** To protect the world from the rebel cause! To deny the light side of the Force! To denounce the evils of truth and love! To extend our reach to the stars above! Orson! Krennic! Team Krennic can fly above the speed of light! Surrender now or prepare to fight!

 **TARKIN:** Moff, that’s right!

 **ALL:** TEAM KRENNIC!!!

 **KRENNIC:** _(laughs coquettishly)_ How kind of you to drop in! The Boss will be so happy we found you! Giovader doesn’t like uninvited guests.

 **CASH:** _(as Jynty slips away)_ Oh yeah? How about we battle?

 **KRENNIC:** That’s cute, twerp, but our Pokéball is invincible! You’ve got no hope!

 **CASH:** BEING A REBEL MASTER DEPENDS ON HOPE!

 **BROOK:** Yeah, you can’t just trap Legendary Birds and make them bend the galaxy to your will! That’s not what Pokemon were meant to do!

 **CHIRRUT AND BAZE:** It’s barbaric!

 **CASH:** P-K2, I choose you! Blaster-bolt, now!

_(P-K2 whips out a blaster and shoots at the dais on which Krennic and Moff Tarkin stand. It explodes, and they wheel off into the sky)_

**KRENNIC AND TARKIN:** Looks like Team Krennic’s blasting off agaaaaaain!

 **JYNTY:** _(running back across the beach)_ Hey look! I found the plans! They were named after me!

 **CASH:** He named the terrifying unstoppable weapon after you? I get that.

 **JYNTY:** HEY!!!!

_(They all laugh)_

**NARRATOR:** And so, after another long day in the galaxy, Cash, Jynty, Brook and P-K2, and Officer Chirrut and Nurse Baze, carry on in their quest to become Rebel Masters. And who knows what adventures await just beyond the next star?


End file.
